I’m trying my hardest these days not to say “I’m bored”. I know I won’t be saying that next month when I’ve got classes starting, and I get to do homework for one of my weakest subject in HS, Chemistry. Homework along with keeping up with balancing time with Mina, relationship with my husband, some breathing time, and planning Mina’s b-day. I think some people think I’ve got the birthday/christening all planned but all we have settled on is the Date and recently what favors will be available. Location, menu, etc, etc. are still all up in the air.
So yes, I’m trying not to utter those words. To be completely honest, I feel I am not cut out to be a SAHM. I like being available for Mina, but I have this tugging feeling at me that I’m not mommy-like enough. By now I should have already enrolled the little one in Gymboree, Swim class, set up playdates. I should be mashing her foods instead of buying jars of Gerber/Beech Nut/Earth’s Best baby foods. I should be wheeling her to children’s museums. I should not be avoiding attending my mommy group events (I haven’t gone to one event). She should have baths everyday and not whenever I think she’s too dirty. I should have home-cooked meals ready for the hubby every night, laundry done like clockwork. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I was back at work and so I can say, “hey I’m too busy for these things!”. Instead I’m pretty much on vacation mode feeling still hence the utter lack of motivation to get anything in gear.
Rest assured readers Mina is happy and healthy. My husband does not starve and I do do the laundry. Everything has a “I’m winging it” quality to it though. Anyway, I have to remind myself I’ve only been doing this for 2 months. (that’s it?!) so I’m giving myself a pass).
1. Sign up Mina for swim class
2. Attend at least 1 mommy-group event next week.
3. Cook at least 3x next week.
4. Get Mina fresh air at least 4 days out of the week next week.
There you go, hopefully this gets me in gear.
And below is a picture from La Jolla on Memorial Day. Damn these beaches. How am I ever gonna shake this vacation-mode feeling?